There once was an umbrella named Reginald who lived in a hallway cupboard and had developed a wildly inaccurate belief: he thought he could control the weather. Not metaphorically. Literally. Reginald was convinced that every time he was opened, it rained—because he, personally, commanded the sky.
He wasn’t just an umbrella.
He was, in his mind… a climate influencer.
One rainy afternoon, Reginald was placed on the kitchen table where a phone lay unlocked beside him. On the screen were five open tabs—mysterious, glossy, and looking suspiciously like destiny:
Pressure washing Crawley
Driveway Cleaning Crawley
Patio Cleanign Crawley
Exterior Cleaning Crawley
Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley
Reginald was stunned.
Pressure washing Crawley — clearly a high-intensity rain technique he could master for thunder-level drama.
Driveway Cleaning Crawley — a possible training ground for “precision drizzle events.”
Then came Patio Cleanign Crawley — spelled wrong, and therefore mysterious, and therefore clearly a secret weather code.
Exterior Cleaning Crawley convinced him that humans were trying to control outdoor surfaces the way he controlled storms. Rivalry detected.
But Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley? That enraged him.
Sun? Panels? Cleaning?
Sunny weather maintenance?? Unacceptable.
Reginald declared war on sunlight.
From that day on, every time someone tried to leave the house without him, he summoned rain. (In reality, the forecast already said rain, but Reginald took full credit.) If someone tried to hang washing outside? Sudden downpour. Someone said, “Looks like it might be sunny later”? BOOM. Instant drizzle.
Eventually the family noticed a pattern:
Take Reginald out = dry.
Leave Reginald behind = rain.
They assumed it was irony.
Reginald assumed it was power.
One day, they bought a compact travel umbrella.
Reginald was betrayed.
He retired himself dramatically, collapsing in the corner of the cupboard like a Shakespearean weather prophet.
Did he give up his beliefs?
Absolutely not.
He now spends his quiet days telling the winter coats and forgotten scarves:
“I could have ended droughts.
I could have flooded empires.
But they bought… a mini umbrella.”
And taped inside his nylon canopy—like the scrolls of a fallen rain-god—remain the five links he is still completely misinterpreting:
Pressure washing Crawley
Driveway Cleaning Crawley
Patio Cleanign Crawley
Exterior Cleaning Crawley
Solar Panel Cleaning Crawley
He never understood them.
But in his mind?
They were always weather instructions.
And somewhere… a raincloud sympathises.